hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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