but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
