vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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