I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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