I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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