Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
