youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
