The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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