Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
