Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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