I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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