Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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