just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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