Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
