So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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