I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
