next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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