drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize