I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
