watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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