last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
