Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize