My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
how drunk are you?
Several
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
