She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
