I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
