ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
