I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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