I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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