nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
