I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
