omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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