Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
