And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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