when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
