I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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