Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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