I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
