the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He passed out mid-signature
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
