I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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