I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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