I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
