Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
