Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
