what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
