Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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