do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
