You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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