currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
