I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
