bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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