there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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