Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
