You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
