If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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