the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
