A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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