you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
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apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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