he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
