my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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