i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
