I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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