This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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