I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just had sex bonerless
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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