idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
