I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
