Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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