I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
