my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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