This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
