OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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