forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
