I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
