I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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