matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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