but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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