8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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