In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
