Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
