i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
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I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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